


I'll Succ...ubus Your Dick

by anarchycox



Series: The Beast and the Bard [3]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Fail sex, Horny Characters, M/M, Size Difference, Snark, True Love, and express it in stupid ways, characters stupid in love, dedicated monster fucker jaskier, jaskier is really okay with the fuck or die, monstrous geralt, of the fuck or die variety, slight dub con, successful sex, succubus intervention, ugly geralt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Set when a physically monstrous Geralt and Jaskier acknowledge they are in love shortly before Geralt invokes Law of Surprise. They know they like each other, and and want each other, and now they have to figure out how to actually have sex. There are a few slight complications before they get it right. Fangs, size difference, and a succubus, equals the best night of Jaskier's life, eventually.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: The Beast and the Bard [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699132
Comments: 124
Kudos: 897





	1. Chapter 1

“So…”

“No.”

“It isn’t that bad, Geralt. Really hardly feeling the pain anymore,” Jaskier swore. It wasn’t quite true, it still hurt a fair bit, but he was not admitting that.

“I bit your dick.”

“You didn’t bite it off so all is fine,” Jaskier said. “It is my fault really. I may have thrust too much in my excitement.” He hadn’t know that Geralt had that sensitive a gag reflex. Which really that was Geralt’s fault. “It is actually your fault.”

“I know. Because I bit your dick.”

“No. I mean yes, that is your fault too, but I mean, really, Geralt when I asked if there were concerns before hand, mentioning no pushing into your throat should have been on that list.”

“How was I supposed to know? Not like it has happened before.”

Jaskier frowned. “No one else has gotten into the perfect wet heat of your mouth, and pushed too deep before you were ready?” He was given a flat annoyed stare. “What?”

“Don’t be deliberately dense.”

“Trust me this is me being perfectly accidentally dense. I don’t understand.”

“What other man would be insane enough to put his cock in my mouth aside from you?” Geralt snapped. He got up and started to pace, and Jaskier knew this was important and awkward and a host of other things, but he was very distracted by Geralt’s scarred and huge chest. “Jaskier, yours is the only cock I’ve sucked so I couldn’t exactly warn about a gag reflex that I didn’t know about, could I?”

Jaskier stopped thinking about how he wanted to lick Geralt’s stomach. “I’ve seen you in brothels with men!”

“Yeah, and they suck my dick, and do the standard oh it is so big, how will it ever fit and then miraculously it fits, because it is just a cock and they are fucking professionals.”

“Yes, whores generally are fucking professionals,” Jaskier snorted a bit and the flat annoyed stare changed to a glare. “Not the time for word play, I guess. Honestly Geralt I am fine.” He reached out a hand that was ignored. He stood up on the bed and launched himself at Geralt. “Will you stop?”

“No,” Geralt said and kept pacing, while fairly easily holding Jaskier.

“If this is supposed to not turn me on, you are very mistaken,” Jaskier said.

“What the fuck, Jaskier?”

“Don’t be all strong and lush and you, and I won’t get turned on,” Jaskier snapped back. Really, how did the man not understand how much Jaskier wanted to be fucked by him - unpleasant dick biting aside. He was dropped on the bed, and Geralt grabbed a shirt and put it on. “Noooo, pretty muscles!”

“They are scarred and lumpy.”

“We can still try again tonight!” Jaskier said and Geralt just stomped out the door flipping him off as he left. Oh, that bastard was not walking out without consequences. Especially since now that it was down to a light throb it was the good pain and Jaskier was horny. He supposed he could go find someone else to fuck out of spite and he supposed maybe that was what Geralt had gone to do. Their room was right above the bar and it was muffled but he could hear the bartender ask what Geralt wished to drink.

Geralt didn’t leave.

And now he must suffer.

Jaskier put his face on the floor boards and listened carefully and then found where he thought right above the bar was. He moaned loudly. “Fuck, Geralt, I need you,” he said. “Fuck my hole is so empty without you. Geralt, witcher, please, I’m so hungry for you.” The years of university instruction and playing in loud taverns taught him how to project. 

And he was going to fucking project. Make Geralt’s life hell down in that bar for leaving just because of a hideously bad first attempt at sex.

Their second bad attempt at sex. He had overestimated his ability to handle how Geralt smelled after killing that whatever it was. He hadn’t puked on Geralt so it should have been fine.

Anyways.

“Geralt, gods, I’m going to have to put my whole fist inside my ass just so it doesn’t feel empty without your cock in it.” He stomped the ground a bit. “I’m so fucking hurting, I’m sorry I was a bad boy,” he whined. All the noise from the bar had stopped. He should stop. Or he could go in for the kill. “Daddy, I’m sorry. I promise you can punish your naughty boy however you want if you just come back and fill me with your giant cock.”

He could hear stomping on the steps and quickly got up off the floor and dusted himself off. His journal was on the table and he grabbed it, pretended to read his notes. The door was pushed open hard. “Oh Geralt, did you forget something?”

“What the fuck?”

“Hmm? I’ve just been here reading,” Jaskier smiled innocently. “Something wrong? More wrong than your hideous face that is?”

“Pack up, we’re leaving.”

“Why? This bed is comfortable.”

“It seems the owner of the establishment is concerned about any future noises that may come from this room and drive off business. Apparently they are a good honest establishment, and naughty boys aren’t welcome.”

“Ahh, well that backfired.” Jaskier sighed and packed up quickly. “Though it is quite rude of them to care about what we do in the privacy of our room.”

“They didn’t care, until you made it their business to care!” 

They were silent as they left, although one person did give Jaskier a thumb’s up as they left. Always was another monster fucker around and Jaskier glared a bit because Geralt was his dammit. They slept in Roach’s stall which was rather small and didn’t really fit them, until Geralt huffed and pulled Jaskier into his lap.

Jaskier leaned against his chest and sighed as the warmth soothed him. “Sorry?”

“I’m sorry too. We can buy you a whore for when you want a blow job.”

Jaskier looked up at him. “Open your mouth, Geralt.” He waited until Geralt did. Because he always did what Jaskier asked, when it was small and in these moments between them. He pressed two fingers into Geralt’s mouth. “Close your mouth, Geralt.” He waited again and Geralt’s mouth slowly shut. “Suck,” Jaskier said and he slowly moved his fingers in and out, never pushing deeper than mid tongue. Geralt was trying to keep his teeth away, those incisors that were long and pointed and the ragged edges of the front teeth. “I’m not scared,” Jaskier whispered. He felt Geralt relax a bit and they kept that up for a bit before Jaskier pulled his fingers out.

“Unless we want to play with a whore together, we aren’t buying one. Because we are going to fucking figure this out.”

Geralt laughed a bit, and the rumble felt so good against Jaskier. “Fucking figure out fucking.”

Jaskier laughed as well. He rested against Geralt and sighed. “Just so we are clear, I am not calling you Daddy in bed ever.”

“Oh, I’m not supposed to punish my naughty boy?”

“No you can absolutely wreck me, I just won’t call you anything weird. Just my monster, my creature, my Geralt.” Jaskier snuggled in. “Stall is nicer than the room anyways.”

*

“No, no no no no no no,” Jaskier stared at the weird mutant monster thing that had a lot of legs and a sort of human head but not. “No do not Geralt!” Geralt came flying through the air and killed the thing, and sure enough the head of it went flying off and landed on Jaskier’s bag with a velocity enough that Jaskier heard glass break. “NOOOOOOOOOOO.”

“Jaskier, are you injured?” Geralt was cutting the thing open, pulling out organs and Jaskier was too upset to be grossed out, even when he maybe heard Geralt eat something. “Jaskier, tell me you are fine.” He heard crunching as Geralt walked over the corpse. “Jaskier?”

He sounded so worried. And Jaskier was going to kill him. Jaskier was upset enough that he actually picked up the decapitated head. He shook it in Geralt’s face. “This!”

“Yes, it can’t hurt you, it is dead. I killed it.” Geralt looked very proud of himself. Like a cat that dropped a dead mouse in your shoe while you slept. “It’s dead.”

“And so are our oils!” Jaskier dropped the head on Geralt’s foot and poked him in the chest. “You standing there all the hottest thing I have ever seen, and I find myself wanting you to just destroy me, while you still have the fucking blood off whatever you ate around your mouth -”

“Its pituitary gland,”

“That is the sort of thing we don’t tell our delicate bard,” Jaskier snapped and poke again.

Geralt rubbed his chest and snorted. “Delicate, ha!”

Jaskier poked again, “Geralt you also killed the oil so we cannot fuck until we hit a decent village again.” This hadn’t been a hunt that was requested. This had just been them camping and then Geralt smelled something, slammed his potions down and went running silently into the woods. Years and Jaskier still had questions about how a man that huge went running through the woods without so much as a twig snap. “GERALT YOU KILLED SEX!” Jaskier poked his chest one more time and then went to clean out his pack. Luckily the cloth it was wrapped in had absorbed most of the oil. Maybe they could wring it out but there were tiny fragments of class in the cloth, and based on how it stung his finger, he didn’t exactly want that in his ass.

Geralt was kneeling in front of him and lapped the blood from his fingers, eyes still black, mouth bloody. “Stop being so fucking hot.” Jaskier did not give a damn; he opened his pants and started stroking his cock. “Geralt, why’d you have to kill the oil?” he whimpered.

And Geralt whimpered a bit too, like a scolded animal. 

Jaskier nudged him and it seemed like Geralt was going to scramble away, but Jaskier shook his head. “Get naked,” he ordered. He was honestly a bit impressed with how quickly that Geralt stripped down. “On your back,” and Geralt did it. Fuck all that power and monstrosity, eager to behave for him. To make up for the mistake that was in the heat of him doing his job. Jaskier should really be nicer.

But he had really really wanted them to finally fuck tonight, and the monster and Geralt killed that. Geralt reached to touch him, and Jaskier slapped his hands away. “Remember what we’ve been practicing?” Geralt nodded and Jaskier grabbed Geralt’s hair as he crawled up the man’s chest. He pressed his cock into his monster’s mouth. “I’m going to fuck your hideous face now,” he warned Geralt. And Geralt growled around his cock, and if he did that much more Jaskier was done for.

He kept the thrusts shallow, staying well away from Geralt’s throat and fuck it felt good. Geralt was eagerly sucking and Jaskier’s head was swimming. It was going to be over so quickly. Or it would have been but Geralt pulled away. “What the fuck, I was so close!” Jaskier whined. He found himself on his back and Geralt was rutting against him. Their cocks were pressed together and it hurt because it was pure friction, nothing helping the glide, and the pain was sparking the prettiest little flashes in his eyes. Geralt grunted and drooled on him, and stilled and Jaskier felt the hot splash of come on his skin, and then Geralt was down his body and licking it all up. Licking at his cock, and Jaskier tipped over. He was pretty sure he had come all over Geralt’s face and didn’t particularly care.

“I really wanted you to fuck me tonight,” Jaskier sighed.

“Soon, my love.”

“Oh,” Jaskier smiled, and he knew it was a silly smile, one that made him look like a simpleton and he did not care. “My beloved beast, I love you too. Go clean up the corpse please?”

“Yes,” Geralt said, and Jaskier watched him start to drag the body away, Geralt still completely naked. 

“It is really unfair that you look sexy doing that right now,” Jaskier shouted.

“I am disgusting to look at, you always say!” Geralt called back. He picked up a sword and was hacking limbs. Naked, and Jaskier watched the play of muscles.

“Beauty and sexy are different,” Jaskier replied and started stroking his sensitive cock because well look at his monster - who wouldn’t. “And your ass really is gorgeous.”

“You aren’t fucking it.”

He could not believe they were having this conversation right now. Naked Geralt dismembering a body, him stroking himself off watching it. They really needed help. “Don’t particularly want to. Just admiring like a painting.” Geralt turned and looked at him in exasperation and Jaskier noticed he was half hard again. “Please tell me that is because of residual potion or arousal, not because you get turned on cutting things up. Because we could maybe pretend, but like you cannot cut anything off me.”

“Fuck off, Jaskier, I’m getting hard because I can hear and smell you. And if you let me deal with the corpse we could maybe do something about it!”

“No we can’t - you killed the oil remember?” He watched another limb be thrown into the woods and they both paused when they didn’t hear it fall. “Geralt, do not!” And there went his witcher, naked into the woods, swords in hand. “Fuck!” Jaskier groaned. 

He put on clothes and hurried after the man, because well this would make a good song, the witcher being all heroic while naked. The things he suffered through for his craft. And to watch his monster’s ass.


	2. Chapter 2

“Yes!” Jaskier shouted. “Oh, yes! You are a succubus, this is fucking fantastic. Hey there! So you have to like touch or seduce me or how do we do this?” He didn’t clap his hands in excitement, but it was close. “Bring on the fuck or die!”

The succubus looked at Geralt who pinched his nose. “I have to apologize for my bard,” he said to the monster. “He…honestly, usually I can at least figure out where he is coming from when he is a fucking feral moron, but this one has me at a loss.” He was holding his silver sword ready to kill the succubus, and then Jaskier had to come along and say that. Generally he left succubus be, so long as they weren’t taking too much from people, but this one had killed three men in town, draining them far too much. She looked sick. “I’ll make this quick,” he promised her.

“Will you wait a second,” Jaskier snapped.

“Yes, will you wait a second?” She was almost purring and moving closer. Geralt knew damn well to not let her lay a hand on him, and back up for each step she took forward. He swung his sword high and almost dislocated his shoulder pulling the swing when Jaskier stepped in between them.

“Jaskier!” Geralt shouted, horrified, enraged, terrified.

“She can help us!” Jaskier shouted.

“I…” The succubus clearly was thrown. “I am sorry, but I do tend to mostly help myself. How exactly would I be helping you?”

Geralt picked Jaskier up and started pulling him back. “How much have you had to drink? What mushroom did you eat? When did you decide sex with an actual monster was better than mostly monster like me!” He realized more than anything he was hurt. 

“Ew, no, only thing I’d fuck with horns would be you if you grew them,” Jaskier replied. “No, but see okay. Succubus know sex, that is kind of their thing. And we need her help.”

“Why do you need my help pet?” She crooned. “How about you come here and let me help you?”

“Yes, yes, in a moment. But can we have like half whammo? Not full fuck or die, just fuck or have the worst hangover of your life. See here is the deal -”

“Jaskier!” Geralt shouted. He gently tossed him away and went over to the succubus. “My apologies for the absurdity of your last moments.”

“We’ve been having difficulties actually fucking and a wee bit of succubus mojo would relax us enough we can figure it out,” Jaskier shouted.

Geralt looked at the succubus. “You know what, I am ready to die,” he decided. He held out the silver sword to her. “Please.”

“Oh, you poor sweet baby,” the succubus crooned, and went to sit on the log. She patted next to herself. “Tell me all about it. I always wondered if witchers were rendered impotent due to the mutations.”

“No, no,” Jaskier reassured her. 

Geralt knew he needed to kill her, but it would have felt really shitty to do so while Jaskier was talking to her and she was listening earnestly. Well sort of earnestly. Likely she was feeding off the sexual frustration that was just pouring off Jaskier’s skin right now. And frankly if they had to talk about this, Geralt supposed it made sense to do so to someone he was going to kill once it was over. And he had a feeling he would need to correct some of the things that Jaskier would say. “I’m not impotent.”

“He’s really not. Stamina,” Jaskier hummed happily, and the succubus breathed it in deeply. 

Geralt coughed and shook his head at her. “A last meal,” she said. “I can make you hunger for sex, crave being wanted, needed, and you’ll take anyone, but he’ll still look like him. I am sorry, pretty human.”

“Huh?” 

Geralt appreciated the confusion on Jaskier’s face. “She means her passion, that would drive you to mindlessness? You would still see what I look like.”

“I like your hideous face. If you looked attractive all of a sudden it would be weird. I am used to my ugly monster. No no, see the problem is more the mechanics. Geralt can you lie down?”

“No,” Geralt replied. 

“Please?” Jaskier smiled at him and it was a smile that usually had Geralt doing what Jaskier wanted, but they weren’t usually talking with a succubus who had killed several men. “Oh fine. Look I am limber, but he is giant and just it is difficult to get my legs around him?”

“Oh you need to relax your hips more,” she said. “I can show you a few exercises.”

Geralt watched as the succubus actually showed Jaskier stretches. “Are you doing fucking stretches with a monster?” Geralt snarled and Jaskier opened his mouth. “Not the time for play on words,” he warned. Jaskier went back to trying the stretches.

To be fair he was rather liking watching how Jaskier was moving right now.

“Really the problem is that we sort of ran into just circumstances that mean the build up to getting his dick in my ass has gotten really big? Sort of like his dick in fact.”

The succubus looked at his crotch and Geralt lay the silver sword across his lap and gave her a look. She just smiled. He would have to make sure that Jaskier never wrote anything about this, because his brothers would never let him live it down. Even Vesemir would laugh at him and that man hadn’t laughed in a couple hundred years. “Could you fuck the witcher?”

“I mean we could, I guess, but neither of us is really feeling that?” Jaskier frowned. “I suppose it could work, but -” He shrugged. “We just need be able to take the pressure off and go at it like rabbits. So like maybe boop my nose? That wouldn’t set off too much fuck or die would it?”

“She is not touching you,” Geralt said firmly.

“Why don’t you just bend him over and fuck him raw?” The succubus’s gaze was on him now, and it was a piercing gaze. “It is what he wants, it is what you want.”

“Well, time to die,” Geralt said and stood.

“You want to tell me, to release that tension you carry. The secret you carry,” she crooned. “How good will it feel to tell the truth?”

“If we fuck, he’ll have had his monster and move on,” Geralt said. 

“What?” Jaskier screeched. “You brute, you actually think that?” 

Fuck, the succubus was swiftly becoming the second most concerning thing in the woods because Jaskier looked pissed and things went very poorly when Jaskier was that pissed off. Geralt tried to keep an eye on the monster but his eye line was pulled to Jaskier. And besides she wasn’t going to do anything, too content to feed off the emotions they were pouring out right now.

“I love you, you stupid monster!” Jaskier shouted. “If I just wanted to fuck something hideous, I would have seduced you in the first six months we traveled together. I wouldn’t have put up with FUCKING YEARS of repairing your reputation, being your friend when you barely say anything nice. Years Geralt, where we encountered plenty of monsters I could have been fucked by, but did you see me on my knees for them? No, because I am not a dedicated monster fucker. I am a dedicated eternally yours until the day I fucking die, Geralt monster fucker.”

Geralt nodded. He calmly picked Jaskier up and moved him to the side. “Thank you,” he bowed a little to the succubus and then cut her head clean off. “Let’s go get paid.”

“She didn’t actually solve our problem!” Jaskier whined. He reached down and slapped himself with her hand. “Does it still carry mojo after she is dead?”

“Jaskier, I am worried about you.”

“This is what happens when I go this long without being fucked,” Jaskier snapped.

“I am sorry that you have been suffering. Come on,” he urged. He picked up the head and then picked up Jaskier and threw him over his shoulder. They went back into town, their run in with the succubus really just at the edge of the woods, not far out. He was paid for the proof the hunt and he carried Jaskier through the village. “Everyone is staring,” he said casually and he ran a hand up Jaskier’s thigh. He even squeezed Jaskier’s ass as he walked into the inn. 

“I can walk,” Jaskier said.

“Yes but I can manhandle you upstairs so I can use you entirely for my depraved needs.” A glass dropped and made a hollow thud on the wood floor.

“To be clear,” Jaskier hurriedly added, “I am very happy to be used for his depraved needs. Even money, they are actually tame in comparison to some of my thoughts.”

Geralt slapped his ass hard and took him up to their room. He finally put him down once they were inside. “Naked,” was all he said as he locked the door. He smiled a bit at how quickly Jaskier took off his clothes. He didn’t even care about folding them like usual. He stripped more slowly, but was naked soon enough. “Oil?” Jaskier scrambled and got it from the bag. “Over the table I think,” Geralt suggested and Jaskier thudded on it. 

“I adore you, you fucking slut.”

Jaskier snickered a bit. And Geralt laughed as well. He ran a hand down Jaskier’s back, scrapped white lines but not to the point of blood. Jaskier shivered and the noise he let out had Geralt hardening. “Do you care tonight?”

“I always care my beloved monster,” Jaskier said.

Geralt closed his eyes and let the words seep into him. He smelled the sincerity on Jaskier, though it took a moment well buried under the lust. “I meant about foreplay.”

“Oh that, no,” Jaskier said. “That was also some of the problem. I was making it too grand. Just fuck me, you monster.”

“Your monster,” Geralt replied.

“My only monster,” Jaskier promised.

“Caught you fingering yourself in the bath the other day,” Geralt said as he slicked a finger.

“Is it really catching me if I shout, Geralt I’m fingering myself if you want to watch?” Jaskier then hissed as Geralt pressed a finger in to the first knuckle. “Warning!”

“No, you like it,” Geralt said. “You want me to just take what I want.”

“Fuck, yes I do,” Jaskier agreed and spread his legs more apart. Geralt pressed his finger all the way in. “One of my fingers is almost like two of yours. Imagine how it would feel if I put three in you?” The whimper that Jaskier let out, made Geralt hungry for a thousand more like it. “Imagine how my dick is going to feel in you.”

“I have,” Jaskier replied. “So fucking much.” He pillowed his head on his arms and pressed up on tip toe. “More?”

“When I want to.”

“Asshole,” Jaskier groaned.

“Hmm,” Geralt replied. He kept fingering Jaskier and draped himself over the bard. He bit Jaskier’s shoulder, a little too hard and there was blood. He lapped it up. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jaskier whined. “Can you please touch my cock, my hideous creature?”

“No, my perfect slut. I want you to come untouched.” Geralt bit again, more carefully but enough that it hurt. He then pressed two fingers into Jaskier. “You think you can do that?”

“For you? I’ll sure as hell try,” Jaskier replied. 

Geralt kept biting and licking as he opened Jaskier up and was surprised how quiet the man was. And he realized he was reveling in the experience. Jaskier was quiet so that he could focus entirely on what Geralt was doing to him. All he wanted was what Geralt was doing. That was not a man who was going to leave after this. That was a man who having it once would hunger for it again and again. Jaskier, if he went anywhere, was always going to return to him. “Mine,” Geralt growled.

“Mine,” Jaskier snarled back. “My beloved monster.”

Geralt slicked up his cock, and if it was anyone but Jaskier he would have done a lot more prep, but he also knew Jaskier would want the burn, the sting, near hurting but never tipping over the edge. “Yeah?” he asked just to confirm and when there was a small head nod, Geralt pushed into Jaskier, certain, relentless, not stopping until he had pressed in as far as he dared. Not quite fully seated but more than he did with most. With any other.

“All of you,” Jaskier said.

And Geralt pressed the last bit in. Which was apparently enough to have Jaskier coming, and his body was a vice on Geralt’s cock. “Think I can fuck you hard again?” Geralt asked.

“Let’s find out,” Jaskier said. “Do it.” 

Geralt dug his one hand into Jaskier’s hip and the other held him down firmly against the table. And Geralt fucked his bard. He snapped his hips hard enough the table was scraping the ground and Jaskier was reduced to whimpers and moans and he just took everything he had ever wanted to take from Jaskier. He pushed harder and faster and moved one of his hands to Jaskier’s cock. He squeezed and Jaskier went from moans to shouts, and he wrung a second orgasm out of him. 

Geralt groaned and knew he was close. He grunted and it was Jaskier whispering, my monster, that built that pressure in Geralt’s spine, had his muscles freezing as the orgasm crashed through him. He spilled into Jaskier, so much, and knew his bard was going to be a hideous mess. He wanted his bard to always be a mess. He collapsed on top of Jaskier and the table groaned under the weight.

“Bed?” Jaskier managed to say.

Geralt maneuvered them to the bed and he fell on it, and pulled Jaskier on top of him. He loved the weight of Jaskier on top of him. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll fuck into you, where you lay,” Geralt said.

“Nooooo,” Jaskier whined.

“Is that a no no, or is that a yes, you monster ruin me no?” Geralt asked and laughed when Jaskier bit his nipple. He rocked his hips a bit and laughed some more when Jaskier squirmed in response.

“Only once more tonight,” Jaskier said on a yawn. 

“I can wait, fuck you awake?” Geralt suggested.

Jaskier propped himself up on Geralt’s chest. Fuck, his bard was gorgeous. “How about both?” Jaskier suggested.

Geralt ran a hand over his hair. “Why do you stare at me like that?”

“Because you are so damn ugly, it is awe inspiring,” Jaskier replied. He kissed the corner of Geralt’s mouth, where there was a scar from where the fang regularly cut open his lip. “Fuck, my body is aching, and I only want you more.” He lay down and seemed like he was trying to burrow right into Geralt.

Geralt wrapped his arms around him, to help the burrow in. “Monster fucker.”

“Monster,” Jaskier replied and bit at the nipple again. “Beloved.”

“Beloved,” Geralt agreed and rolled them over. He smiled down at him. “How many orgasms is the most you’ve had in a night?”

“Four when I was 17, Geralt,” he said. “That was a good number of years ago.”

“Well it gives me a goal,” Geralt said and worked down Jaskier’s body to suck his cock.

*

Geralt walked into the bar and saw Jaskier sitting at a table, flirting with an insanely beautiful man. He sighed a bit. Geralt went and bought an ale, brought it over to the table. “Another one Jaskier?”

The man’s eyes gleamed for a moment before he folded his face into a look of horror. “He didn’t tell me he was with someone.” 

“Not bad acting,” Geralt said and sat down.

“I know, he has some decent skills,” Jaskier agreed. He leaned against Geralt for a moment and Geralt kissed his head. “And that was god, what five years ago, and I didn’t actually get to try it. Come on tell me you aren’t a little interested to see what would happen.”

“We aren’t using you as an experiment.”

“But what if I want to be an experiment. We can call it my birthday gift! 33 is just around the corner.”

“That corner passed a while ago, you are turning 36,” Geralt pointed out.

“That is the most monstrous thing you have ever said!” Jaskier was glaring at him.

“The truth?” Geralt frowned and looked at the man sitting across from them. “You’d think he was ten years younger.”

“I, the bard is stunning. And you are -”

“Not, he’s ugly, we know,” Jaskier said. “Really, just blurting my age out like that. See if I let you tie me up in the woods again and role play rescue and grateful offer of sex for the rescue.”

“You love that game,” Geralt pointed out. 

“I dooooo,” Jaskier agreed. “But still, I wanna try. Can’t we try this? Please?”

Geralt rolled his eyes and looked at the man. “He’s young enough, shouldn’t do too much damage. Go ahead, little monster,” he urged the man.

“I don’t understand,” the man was looking between them and his eyes fixed on Geralt and realized who he was sitting with, and he tried to move away. 

“Stay,” Geralt ordered and the man froze.

“Now, you’ve had slim pickings haven’t you little monster,” Jaskier crooned. “Really dull town, some minor orgasms, really base lust. Barely a snack. But here we are a whole feast. How close do you need to be to feed?”

“Umm well generally you put the spoon in your mouth to eat?” the man said.

“Ohh, sweetie, I knew you were an incubus the second I saw you. Now how about you lightly infect me?” Jaskier grinned at him. “And Geralt and I will go up to our room, and we’ll fuck it out. You could sit on the other side of the door. Would that be close enough to feed you, but not like kill me?”

The poor monster looked confused and terrified.

“Answer my perfect slutty bard,” Geralt ordered.

“Yeah,” the incubus said. “I’m really hungry,” he admitted. “My first season hunting alone.”

“Oh you poor thing, we’ll give you a full meal,” Jaskier swore. “Now what do you have to do?”

The incubus looked at Geralt who nodded and the incubus touched Jaskier’s cheek and they looked at each other. They kissed and Geralt could feel the magic take hold of Jaskier. “Suck him dry, and I’ll kill you painfully.”

“He has so much to give,” the incubus shuddered. “I’ll be full long before he runs out. He wants nothing more than you.” 

Geralt smiled. “I know.” He nudged Jaskier and they went up to their room. He nodded to the incubus. “Enjoy.” The poor creature was already looking high on Jaskier’s desire.

But that was fine. So was Geralt.

Jaskier did that to monsters.

He closed the door in the incubus’s face. He turned to Jaskier who was starting to pant a bit, had glazed eyes. “Fuck I am going to regret this,” Geralt said. 

“No, you won’t,” Jaskier said. 

And he didn’t. When they left the next morning the incubus was passed out on the floor and they stepped over him. Geralt snorted a bit. “You broke a sex monster.”

“Oh I don’t know, you seem pretty in one piece to me,” Jaskier said with a wink.

Geralt swatted Jaskier’s bottom and enjoyed the yelp he made. “This was a one time treat,” Geralt told him.

“I know,” Jaskier stood on tip toe and kissed his jaw. Nuzzled. “Thank you, my creature.”

“How long until you are up to me hunting you in the woods?” They had gone harder than they ever had last night, and he didn’t want to hurt his bard.

“Two days,” Jaskier said. “We’ll be pirates and I’ll be your booty.” He dodged out of the way before Geralt could swat him again. Jaskier was singing a jaunty and very filthy song as they left the inn. Geralt even hummed along.


End file.
